Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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