Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
