oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
