OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
