Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
