do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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