blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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