your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize