I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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