So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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