I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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