Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
