this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize