worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize