her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sext me about skeletons
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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