we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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