Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
