So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no you cant smoke seaweed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize