Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do vagina's smell?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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