my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
