living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
is wine microwaveable?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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