I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
