Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
