The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
