Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
