I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
