Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
