I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
