Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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