At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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