There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
