you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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