This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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