I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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