ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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