you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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