I need help removing her.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
