"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
