i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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