i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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