I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
