I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
