I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
