She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
