dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
