he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
