Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
