i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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