Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
