Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize