You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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