Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
