This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
