no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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