Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
