he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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