oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
