She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my shit smells like andre
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
