I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
