did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
