He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
