note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
