the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
