we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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