it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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