i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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