no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
