is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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