my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
