he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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