I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
