I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
