I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
