I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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