no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
