Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
