i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
