I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
