I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
