Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize