is your mom at the bar?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
third nipple confirmed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
