Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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