I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
