I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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