Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I looked at my own cervix.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
