u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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