Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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