she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want to be your penis for a week.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
