woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
