The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he just fucked me for my cheese..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize