Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
