sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize