Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
