Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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