all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
