man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize