You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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