I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
