Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
